Being a Seasoned African American Woman; Is there a difference?

The Soft Life: A Message for Seasoned African American Women

This may seem like a nonessential question—or even a divisive one—but hear me out.

I believe there is a difference. Not because one group is better or worse than another, nor because of physical, hormonal, or biological differences. Rather, the difference lies in environment, resources, opportunities, and the knowledge available to help us navigate life's transitions.

As African American women, we have lived in a world that has often defined us before we had the chance to define ourselves. Too often, we have been placed into categories that fail to recognize our full humanity. That reality needs to be corrected.

I am not speaking for every Black woman, nor am I promoting victimhood or a "poor me" mentality. We are strong, resilient, courageous, and resourceful. We have had to be.

But we desire softness, too.  

For many of us, life has not provided soft landings. Instead, it has offered harshness, struggle, and the expectation that we will carry burdens for everyone else. If we fit society's narrative at all, it is often as the workhorse—the helper, the fixer, the strong one holding everyone else up.

No, I am not advocating a takeover. I am advocating for something much simpler: Let us shine in our own way, with us leading the way.

The Elegant Stylist Instagram

 No one knows our stories better than we do. No one knows what we have survived, overcome, sacrificed, or dreamed about in the quiet places of our hearts. Collectively, we are doing fine. Individually, many of us are tired. We are tired of being expected to carry every social problem, every family crisis, every community burden, and every emotional weight placed upon us. Society has dictated how we should behave. Sometimes the church has dictated how we should behave.

But God has not called us to live according to society's expectations.

Many of us have rarely seen ourselves portrayed as beautiful, adventurous, joyful, creative, or fully human. Instead, we have often been depicted as saviors, caretakers, and supporters of everyone else's dreams. Some of us have never dared to dream at all. Life has beaten us down so often that we have begun to question whether a better life is even possible.

I am not saying life should be easy. I am saying that we deserve spaces where we are treated as God's creation—not as humanity's fixer-upper project. This is not to suggest that other groups of women have easy lives. Women everywhere have faced hardships and challenges. However, perception matters.

The way society perceives people influences how they are treated. It also influences how they see themselves. Some groups have been granted perceptions that encourage confidence and possibility. Others have been burdened with perceptions that limit opportunity and expectation.

Perception can be a blessing or a curse. Some use favorable perceptions to believe they are better than others. Yet Scripture reminds us that we are all God's children. None of us is greater than another.

Still, we know that in everyday life, perception often functions as a badge of honor that excludes, diminishes, and devalues others. I am not calling for sentimental "Kumbaya" love. I am calling for respect. For kindness. For decency. For treating others with dignity, whether they become our best friends or not.

As Black women age, another challenge emerges. Many struggle to see themselves as productive, valuable, and necessary beyond the role of "Big Momma." There are very few programs, resources, or communities dedicated to helping seasoned African American women envision the next chapter of their lives. Too often, our communities are filled with survivors rather than dreamers. We encounter hopelessness, jealousy, exhaustion, and the belief that no one should move forward unless everyone moves forward first. Many of us are tired of holding up the pillars while no one helps support them.

Yet I believe God is calling us to something greater. 

Not greater in status, but greater in purpose. We should not spend our lives hidden in the shadows. We should explore the gifts God has given us and use them beautifully. This is what I call the "soft life." And it is probably not what most people think. The soft life is not primarily about spa treatments, vacations, luxury handbags, or financial wealth. There is nothing wrong with those things. But true softness comes from resting in God. It comes from becoming who He created us to be. It comes from helping others see His beauty, glory, creativity, and goodness.  Check out my Pinterest account for more goodies for you.

We are called to help build dreams and dream—not merely become tools for someone else's dream. We are called to have significance, not to chase significance. We are called to show women and children that growing older is not the end of the story. It is the beginning of a new chapter. We should not place a period where God has placed a comma. The story continues. Our soft life is living for God without apology. It is becoming better versions of ourselves. It is using our gifts collectively without excluding others because they do not look like us, think like us, or come from where we come from.

Life is difficult. But women have often been builders. Builders of homes. Builders of communities. Builders of culture. Builders of hope. Yet we are not called to neglect ourselves in the process. We are not called to burn out and disappear. We need refreshment. We need encouragement. We need the kind of love described in Scripture—a love that is patient, kind, humble, pure, and genuine.

I am single. I am not waiting for someone to rescue me. Scripture teaches that men and women are meant to help one another. If it is God's will, there may someday be someone who believes I am worth the effort—and I him. But I am not lonely. I am simply alone. I value my independence while I have it. I intend to live my life fully. Yet I also recognize that life is better when shared. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. No person is an island. No one is meant to do life entirely alone. Whatever dreams God has placed in your heart, use them to help others. Do not quit because life becomes difficult. Continue. Even if you help only one person, you have still changed a life.

Now for the good part. Allowing society—or your own fears, guilt, shame, and insecurities—to define you will never help you win this battle. We were created for more than survival. My motto is simple: We do more than survive. We thrive.

Thriving means becoming emotionally healthy and spiritually grounded people who can navigate life's difficult waters with dignity, hope, and grace. Not perfectly. But peacefully. The soft life is not about getting everything we want. It is about making the life we have beautiful. The God who created us deserves glory, and our lives should reflect His beauty, creativity, and goodness.

Many people view God as harsh, demanding, and impossible to please. But the God I serve is expansive. Creative. Generous. Beautiful. He fills creation with wonder and constantly invites us into deeper discovery.

Yes, God has standards. But His standards are not designed to destroy us. They are designed to reveal our need for Him. Through Christ, we are invited into a life that is fuller, freer, and more beautiful than we could create on our own.

Life is hard. Sometimes very hard. But hard does not mean impossible. It simply means we need God—and each other. That is why community matters. That is why encouragement matters.

That is why Scripture tells us: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together... but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV) For African Americans, and particularly African American women, that encouragement is essential.

Our history contains pain, but it also contains God's faithfulness. We must remember His hand in our story. We must remind future generations of His goodness. We will not throw pity parties. We will throw parties of purpose. Parties of creativity. Parties of beauty. Parties that celebrate God's goodness and the gifts He has placed within us. Rest when you need to. Pray when you must. But then get back up. Put on your spiritual armor. Continue the work.

Our children still need us—though perhaps not in the same ways they once did. Create. Build. Teach. Encourage. Paint. Write. Mentor. Love. If one child is helped, one life is changed. And that matters.  Below I've listed practical ideas and creative pursuits that can help us become greater Seasoned women in this time and in this season.  This is living the soft life, giving with intention, giving with your joy and gifts in mind.  Not someone else's definition of who you are and what you're supposed to do.

Practical Solutions to help you navigate this new transition:

What if we hosted faith-filled creative gatherings?

What if we organized Biblical celebration parties for children that showcased God's beauty, creativity, and glory?

What if we offered painting, drawing, sewing, writing, gardening, or crafting parties for youth and older adults?

What if we created spaces where people could discover both their creativity and their Creator?

What if the soft life was not about escaping life—but about living it well?

The soft life begins with God.

Everything else flows from there.

Beauty is healing.

Many women have lived so long in survival mode that they forget beauty is a gift from God.

Ideas:

· Start a flower garden or container garden.

· Learn floral arranging.

· Create beautiful tables capes for family gatherings.

· Decorate your home with artwork that reflects your culture and faith.

· Paint old furniture and make it beautiful again.

· Create a prayer corner filled with books, candles, scriptures, and journals.

· Host seasonal decorating gatherings with friends.

God filled the Temple with artistry, gold, embroidery, color, and craftsmanship. Beauty matters. See Exodus 35 and Exodus 36.

2. Become a Keeper of Stories

Many African American family stories disappear when elders pass away.

Ideas:

· Record family histories.

· Interview grandparents and older relatives.

· Create family memory books.

· Write children's books based on family stories.

· Create heritage journals.

· Start a family recipe collection.

Your family's story is part of God's story.

3. Start a Creative Circle

Many women need community more than they need another program.

Create gatherings around:

· Watercolor painting

· Journaling

· Sewing

· Crochet

· Quilting

· Poetry

· Photography

· Bible art journaling

· Mixed media art

The goal is not perfection. The goal is connection.

4. Become a Community Auntie

Not everyone is called to be a grandmother.

But many are called to mentor.

Ideas:

· Teach young girls basic life skills.

· Teach sewing and mending.

· Teach budgeting.

· Teach etiquette and kindness.

· Teach cooking.

· Teach gardening.

· Teach art.

Many children need wisdom more than entertainment.

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5. Explore the World God Made

Many women postpone adventure until "someday." Someday often never arrives.

Ideas:

· Visit museums.

· Take day trips.

· Explore historical sites.

· Visit botanical gardens.

· Attend concerts.

· Take train trips.

· Explore local neighborhoods.

· Attend cultural festivals.

Adventure does not have to be expensive. Curiosity keeps the spirit young.

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6. Create Instead of Consume

Many people spend hours consuming content. Few spend time creating.

Instead of scrolling:

· Paint.

· Write.

· Photograph.

· Design.

· Sing.

· Garden.

· Bake.

· Teach.

· Build.

God is a Creator. We reflect Him when we create and create balance in our lives.

7. Develop a "Second Bloom"

Many women assume their most important years are behind them. What if they are ahead?

Ask:

· What have I always wanted to learn?

· What dream did I put on hold?

· What talent have I neglected?

· What ministry have I avoided?

· What business idea keeps returning?

Your second bloom may be:

· Writing a book

· Teaching art

· Starting a blog

· Creating a podcast

· Opening a small business

· Becoming a mentor

· Traveling

· Learning a language

God often does some of His greatest work in the later chapters.

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8. Create Spaces of Rest

Rest is not laziness. Rest is preparation.

Ideas:

· Weekly tea time with God.

· Sabbath afternoons.

· Quiet walks.

· Nature journaling.

· Prayer retreats.

· Reading afternoons.

· Worship playlists.

A soft life requires rhythms of rest. Even Jesus withdrew to rest and pray.

9. Build Intergenerational Friendships

Many women only interact with people their own age.

The church and community need multiple generations learning from one another.

Create gatherings where:

· Children learn from elders.

· Elders learn technology from youth.

· Women share wisdom.

· Young adults share fresh ideas.

Everyone has something to give. Everyone has something to learn.

10. Leave a Legacy of Beauty

A beautiful life asks:

"What will remain after I am gone?"

Perhaps it is:

· A book.

· A garden.

· A scholarship.

· A ministry.

· A quilt.

· A collection of family stories.

· A curriculum.

· A business.

· A generation of children who know they are loved.

Legacy is not about fame. Legacy is about faithfulness.

In summation, The Soft Life for Seasoned African American Women is not....

A luxury lifestyle. 

It is not waiting for someone to rescue you.

It is not pretending life is easy.

The soft life is choosing beauty over bitterness, purpose over resignation, creation over consumption, faith over fear, and hope over despair.

It is recognizing that growing older is not God's signal to disappear.

It is His invitation to bloom again.

As long as God gives us breath, there is still something beautiful left to build. And perhaps the most beautiful thing we build is not a business, a ministry, or even a legacy. Perhaps it is a life that reflects His goodness so clearly that others see Him through us.

Got any suggestions, please feel free to email me or write comments on the blog.  Would love to have your thoughts.

Midlife Transitions

Most of us are at the tail end of our lives.....more life behind than ahead.  And that's just it, now that we know how important life is and how to appreciate it, it should make us more prone to do so.  This is not a time to duck our heads in the sand and run (although it's quite tempting) but a time to enjoy and embellish the rest of this precious life you are given.  You don't need a "boo," to do this (although it doesn't hurt) but you do need special and ongoing relationships that bring you life, laughter, love and growth. This is a challenge and one that I constantly fight.  But enough of that, this blog aims to celebrate getting better not just older.  I have attached some things I believe as midlifers or lifers.....lol that will help us feel good about ourselves, our lives and others.  Some days it's a stretch to feel good about anything but that's when God has to step in and on most days it feels like life has meaning and purpose because he has given it to us to enjoy.  I never realized, until I became older, that there were so many lonely and disenfranchised people.  Many have given up all hope of any kind of life and some have become downright miserable.  I understand.  I'm not judging but living like that was not an alternative for me....so I continue to fight to shine....not to become anyone famous but to recognize that who I am, what I know and who I'm becoming still has lots of value and worth and so do you. Lately I've been thinking about what it means as a midlifer and grandmother/grandaunt to have a  transformation in my life.

Many books and articles focus on things to do, activities and how being older is not the end result of life.  I, however, want to focus on transforming my heart and my soul to navigate a changing atmosphere and lifestyle.

Getting "older," is not for the faint of heart.  Not because one might be in denial but because it comes with a myriad of problems I never thought about.  I was so excited to enter a phase whereby my cares seemed to dwindle and responsibilities limited that I did not think about the long term effects of living this life.

For one, loneliness and lack of purpose can seem endless if you don't have a way to fulfill those needs.  We all need to feel connected.  But before you go out to look for your "boo," take hold of the relationships you now have and discover how you can make them better.

When we hit midlife, most of us are in denial.  It seemed to have come quickly without our consent and if we are blessed, we will recognize this and begin to see the irony and start to enjoy this trip and if we are not, we will spend the rest of our days looking for something that doesn't exist---a new life.

New life is only found in Christ and what I mean about that is that the teachings of the word and what Christ left behind, helps us change our perspective so that getting old is not synonymous with disappearing from life or vanishing as a person.

Let's continue to celebrate getting older with panache in these ways:

1.  Take care of yourself.  Really, not just with getting medicine or finding ways to survive but find ways to combat illness and sickliness and thrive.  I know that some of us have illnesses that don't just go away with a mantra and positive attitude.  We need medicine, doctors and special care but even then we can attempt to better our health, one day at a time.  The problem most of us have is trying to do it all at once.  Most of us, including myself, don't have the discipline for the long haul....but if we take a small dose daily of health bites, we might just arrive there.

We don't know how long we will live, but wouldn't it be great if we could live it with more energy, vitality and strength.

2.  Make yourself look better.  I remember when I was taking care of a senior (funny, me being a senior too, helped me to see the possible future.) who didn't think it mattered how she showed up in the world every day.  Mainly because the older you become, the more people see you as invisible so what's the point?  I would tell her, because you are alive that's the point.

God NEVER tells us to stop living.  In fact he says he will be with us when our hair turns grey.  And mine is definitely grey.....lol  Check out these scriptures:  Isaiah 46:4; Psalm 92:14.  There are many more but God is definitely concerned about old agers.  Continue to pray and ask for direction.

I've finally come to terms with my mortality.  What other choice do I have? It's like someone asking me "am I afraid to get old?" Afraid or not, it's a coming.

So wear that ball gown or special suit that you've been saving for a special occasion.  Your life is an occasion that's happening everyday and soon it will end.  Once we are in the grave, there is no more living.  Stop worrying about all your ills (yep, I have worried and sometimes still do), but I'm learning to appreciate the saying "let go, and let God."  

In case you think I'm just putting my head in the sand and saying "don't worry, be happy," I'm not.  I take care of business for the most part, but I attempt to not worry about things I can't control which gives me a better perspective about life.

No, your life will not become positive and full over night but every step you make towards transforming your thoughts, is another day of victory.

3.  Observe the world and the present moment that's around you.  No you don't have to languish in the flowers, and sing merrily like I do (yeah I know it looks crazy, but I enjoy it) but you do need to be intentional about living daily.  What that looks like for you is different for me but ultimately it is about finding the things that light your soul and let them light it even among the sadness.  God does help with the sadness by pushing it back so that it does not become our destiny.  Ask me how I know.

I've always said I want God to surprise me.  If I'm intentional about my life, that means if I walk through this world with wonder, and learning.....not head down and barreling through, He will always surprise me. It might be through a scripture, through a person or event, but He always makes me see the beauty instead of the bad.  Now, don't think I don't have my days, moments or months where this is tested and tried....and I get tired....but because He's always a prayer away, I can voice my concerns and He causes me to be better.  A little tweak and I'm off to the races.

4.  Find what you're passionate about or hobbies you might be interested in.  My problem is I have so many interest, I can't seem to remain on one long enough to get the fruit.  However, I've come to the conclusion that my purpose is not necessarily to get money but to live each day as it unfolds, the way the Lord intended.  It's a blessing but can be a curse if I stress about how, when, where and what I need to be doing instead of just being.  I know, many of us don't have time, or perhaps we have too much time and not enough motivation.  If that's the case, find something that takes your interest even if it's small.  The goal here is just to feel alive again.  I remember My mom, when she was alive, calling me one day when she was going through midlife and saying how bored she was.....not sure how she solved that but I know remaining bored can lead you into all sorts of temptations and wrong directions if you give in to it.  I also used to tell my nieces, whom I raised, when they would tell me that they were bored....."you're bored because you're boring."  I didn't do this to make them feel bad, but to make them realize that boredom is an inside out job.  We're usually bored because we don't want to do anything (we've gotten lazy and have no direction) or we're too afraid to make change and attempt something new.

Life only expands, when you expand.  I should know, I struggle with the same things but I've found that I have to keep moving especially now that I'm retired.  I have to still structure my time and my days.

     

Who Has Time for Joy? Finding Purpose, Vision, and Joy in Your New Season of Life.

 Being joyful in life, period, is a challenge but it's especially challenging for those of us who have entered a new season.  Why, you say?  Because real life happened.  When we were young, we dreamed, tried to create those dreams and then as we  hit our 50's we begin to realize that those dreams in our 20's didn't turn out the way we expected and time is running out.  We might have gained weight, (Our bodies are not punishing us): our metabolism just slows down.  We don't feel or look our best anymore and/or we don't know what our best is supposed to look like. Dang we're tired.  We're not trying to get our youth back, although it's tempting, but we just want to know what has happened to the life we dreamed of.   The person we were.  We can become more skeptical, less likely to make or maintain  as many friends, especially when they might be passing away in droves and we become more realistic and less likely to take chances.  What a life.  Who has time for joy?

You and I do.  Joy is the great reclaimer of life.  God has said in James 1:2-4 and in Romans 5:3-5 that we should have joy in tribulation.  And we all know right now, in this world, joy is at a minimum because of all the challenges we are facing in the world and in our lives.  But notice the scripture doesn't say we will not have problems. It is saying defy the problems, trust God and be joyful because you know there is hope in his ability to work with us through them.  James goes on to even say that our problems work to produce patience in us--endurance--and after patience works, we will become stronger more grounded, steady, wise and complete in our walk with God.  That's the true blessing because materials things can come and go.  Our endurance and hope in God, NEVER do!  

I know many might say this sounds depressing, and it does, but it's a much truer version of what midlife can feel like.  However, there is hope.  We can make that change.  A transition to become a better YOU with a better life, full of God's joy and stick-to-it-itis.  No, you don't need to take an unending vacation (unless you want to) and no you don't necessarily need to change your surroundings (unless you want to) but you do need to change your perception--the way you look at life and think about your life daily.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, louder this time.  "Perception matters."

What do I mean? It's our thought life that creates our emotions, and if our emotions remain raggedy, so will the outcome be.  A new life will not happen just because we change our environment but changing our thought patterns about who we are, what we need, what we want, and how to get it will.  It's about living this challenging life with the desire to bring our beauty, our spin on life, or our touch that helps others see a better way of life.  In other words, your vision.  The Bible says "Where there is no vision, the people perish...." Proverbs 29:18.  Not a mystical vision but a clear direction and purpose, hope, something to look forward to.  Many of us, including myself, start off with something exciting and forward, but as soon as a challenge hits or the excitement wears off, we stop doing it and resort to, "it wasn't going to happen anyway."  Been there, done that.  Have the life tickets to prove it....but something happened in my inner man.  The spirit of God said, "Not this time.  Finish what you started."  

"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established (Proverbs 16:3)  Make sure the vision aligns with God. Because only He gives true purpose.  That means, pray, use your natural gifts and ideas, and pursue what excites you and brings Him honor and glory.  We are not meant to just be church providers, the church is for the sick.  We are to also bring other sick people to a God that can heal.  How do we do that?  By honoring who He made you to be and tempering your spirit through His Word.  People will know you by the fruit of your life--by who you are and what you produce.

Image created with AI by ChatGPT/OpenAI.

I wanted to run, duck, pretend, escape, and say I was just kidding, but He wouldn't let me.  So here I am reclaiming my vision, my path, my clarity, and my decisions, all because of God, who told me to hang in there.  Basically, I didn't get a pass to not live what I preach.  This is where it becomes difficult.  It's easy to sit on the mountaintop and direct others, it's way more difficult to live it yourself.  Why does it matter?  Because you matter, I matter, and because we have purpose, experiences, and life challenges that we have overcome, and we can help the next person and even our children to see the good while we continue to manifest it in a fallen world.  We don't necessarily do this by preaching or teaching, but by example.  If you still have purpose, clarity, and vision at this age, there is HOPE for you. 

Today, that fallen world is even more in need of God's light which He manifests through us.  We can't duck our heads in the sand, run from it, or teach our children to pretend it doesn't exist.  It will affect them greatly and they will be swimming in the mess while we will be responsible for not giving them a lifeboat if we don't show purpose, fortitude and determination for the good.  It ain't easy and it ain't ova.  Children don't do what they're told only, they do what they see.

We don't all have to be glamorous and movie stars to make a beautiful life.  We just need God's determination.  Throughout scripture, He tells us to wait on him; to write the vision, and make it plain; and to act on the vision. Ecclesiastes 9:10, Colossians 3:23, Galatians 6:9, Hebrews 10:36.  The pattern from these scriptures is clear: if we have God's vision we should first pray, act, be persistent, have patience, and wait on the fulfillment.

This is not about being "perfect," because that doesn't exist for any of us, but about living a life that continually praises, honors, and believes in the true living God.  That kind of life will always get the victory.  But it won't come easy, and it isn't living a comfortable life of having everything you want.  It has overalls on.....working for the good of the Kingdom with your vision, your purpose, and your clarity.  Don't be deceived, you will have to fight daily (Ephesians 6:10-11) to maintain your Godly perspective, but he does not send us out to battle without armor.

Your greatness is NOT determined by where you start, but by where you finish.  This isn't about success in the worldly way, but success in replacing what is wrong with what is good.

In conclusion, what's your vision?  Big or small?  What has God put on your heart to do at this time?  You are NEVER to old to set another Godly goal, pursue it, and enjoy  life as it is.

Finally, what does this have to do with being joyful.  Well, most of us feel being joyful means we have to have life the way we want and everything we want before we are considered "happy."  We're watching too much TV or too many Instagram posts.  But God never called us to happiness, that's fleeting, He called us to be joyful in tribulation.  What does that really mean?  That although life might be tearing us a part and we become downcast, downtrodden and crazed, we are to have the hope of God....who bears our burdens, our concerns, our weaknesses, our limitations, our impatience, etc. We are never alone. Look it up, all throughout the word of God and the history of the saints, that has been their experience.  Looking to God where whence cometh their help.  

We are ALL being held accountable now.  No more waiting for hero's of the faith to come on the scene.  We are the next hero's or sheroes God is calling.  Are you ready to take the mantle.  Share your faith through your purpose, your vision, and your hope.  Below are some books and journals I recommend.

Love you, but Christ loves you more.......

Books on Joy:

No Matter What: 90 Devotions for Experiencing Unexpected Joy in Tough Times

Life Is Hard. God Is Good. Let's Dance.: Experiencing Real Joy in a World Gone Mad
The Happiest Joy On Earth: A 30 Day Devotional To Discover Joy in the World Around You

Journals:

Lined Journal Notebook for Women Men, A5 Hardcover Leather Journals

Lined Journal Notebook, A5 Hardcover Leather Journals for Writing, 160 Numbered Pages, 5.7'' x 8.3'' Journaling Notebooks for Men Women, Thick Paper College Ruled Journal for Work Office School, Brown

Lined Spiral Journal Notebook, A5 Hardcover Spiral Journals for Women Men, 150 Numbered Pages Spiral Bound Notebook, 100 GSM College Ruled Notebooks for Work, Note Taking 5.75" x 8.38", Olive Green

Senior Traveling Opportunities

 

Senior Travel Opportunities — All in One

Local, national, international, and accessibility-focused travel resources for mature adults. Click a link to open the resource.

Local and regional

• AARP Local / Senior resources
• Road Scholar (educational travel for 50+)
• Rotary International travel and service opportunities
• Lions Clubs International travel and service opportunities

National (U.S.-based)

• National Park Service
• National Geographic Expeditions
• Smithsonian Journeys
• Road Scholar (Elderhostel legacy)
• National Park passes and programs
• TripSavvy
• Lonely Planet
• The Senior List
• Costco Travel
• Cruise Critic

Volunteer and budget international options

• Worldpackers
• Workaway
• Projects Abroad
• International Volunteer HQ (IVHQ)
• Hostelworld

Accessibility and safety resources

• Mobility International USA
• Accessible Travel Online

Cruise and short-getaway planners

• Contiki
• Cruise Critic

General planning and deals

• TripSavvy (planning tips)
• Lonely Planet (destination guides)

A few recommendations to get you started:

Travel Books and Travel Guides

50 States, 5,000 Ideas: Where to Go, When to Go, What to See, What to Do

The Most Scenic Drives in America: 120 Spectacular Road Trips - Your Guide to Breathtaking Routes, Hidden Gems, and Iconic Landscapes

Route 66: The Complete Centennial Travel Guide to the Mother Road: Road Trip Planner with Full-Color Maps, Mile-by-Mile Routes, Day-by-Day Itineraries, Hidden Gems, Legendary Diners & Vintage Motels

What Makes you Truly Beautiful as you Age

Beauty is defined by who you become, not how you look.

True beauty isn't something we lose as we age;

it's the light of God reflecting through a life

of faith.

Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder; what one person finds attractive, another may not. While physical beauty inevitably fades, the beauty that lives within is timeless. Caring for your physical self is important, but you will never lose your inner glow if you prioritize your relationship with God.

Cultivating the Fruit of the Spirit

He cultivates His fruit in the

soil of our experiences.

 According to biblical understanding, inner beauty is grown through the "Fruit of the Spirit." As outlined in Galatians 5:22-23, these traits include love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These characteristics aren’t meant to make us perfect; rather, they draw us closer to the cross. We cannot manufacture these qualities on our own—they require God’s Spirit and our daily submission.

The Great Equalizer

While some are blessed with physical beauty, aging acts as a great equalizer. Eventually, the person we have become on the inside far outweighs our outward appearance. We cannot fake these spiritual traits; while they don’t replace our unique personalities, they do determine how we navigate life and treat others.

Walking in Grace, Not Perfection

Living a "Holy life" often invites scrutiny or accusations of hypocrisy from those who misunderstand your intent. However, we must remember that God is sovereign—only He can judge

Walking the path to God's fruit.

the heart. While we cannot know a person’s motives, we must use discernment to judge actions. Assessing behavior isn't about hatred; it’s about making wise decisions for our own lives and staying accountable to God’s grace.

1. Submission and Obedience

The Bible states, "The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord." This "fear" isn’t about cowering; it is a reverent acknowledgment that God, not us, is in control of all things. You might wonder why submission matters if God

Our efforts with God adds beauty to the world.

already knows the outcome. It matters because we have the freedom to choose. Some argue that choosing between God and destruction isn't true freedom, but real choice lies in whether we believe we know better than our Creator. In my experience, choosing our own way over His never leads to a victorious life.

2. Willingness to Grow

We are inherently limited, even when we pretend otherwise. Despite our talents and grit, we eventually hit a wall. True growth begins when we admit we don’t have all the answers. By asking the Lord to replace our limited perspective with His understanding, we find the path to a truly fulfilling life.

3. Living with Beauty and Love

"Beauty and love" are more than just nice words; they are practical choices. Real love is a decision—to choose kindness over hostility and to treat others as we wish to be treated. However, love also requires boundaries. I am learning to walk away from toxic situations where people refuse healing and respond only with hostility. We aren't called to endure toxicity indefinitely; sometimes, the most loving thing to do is tell the truth and move on.

Expressing Beauty Through Change

Beauty is an outward expression of God’s glory and life. How we manifest that beauty depends on our unique experiences, current situations, and spiritual gifts. For example, the Proverbs 31 woman was blessed with wealth and a husband of high reputation, giving her a specific platform to work from. However, her advantages don't make her situation "better" than yours—only different.

God calls and uses us exactly where we are. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I have decided to cultivate excellence in my own gifts. My goal is not just self-upliftment, but to honor God with what He has given me and to help others in a way that only I can.

Creativity as Light

To express beauty is to add creatively to the world. It is about bringing light, understanding, and even fun to a world that often feels harsh and dark. Ultimately, beauty is found in any form of expression that represents God’s creativity while offering hope and encouragement to those around you.  

Now go be your own kind of Beautiful.....express HIM fully and wonderfully through your one and only life.

Are You Happy With Yourself?

 

Most of us are walking on empty eggshells in our life, (I've been there) hoping they don't crack any further or we won't be able to deal with life as it is.  I ask this question, not to bring up old wounds or make a person compare their life with someone else's but to offer some reasonable suggestions or wisdom that can help us navigate this life, at this age, and at this stage.  And to remember, we all are on fragile ground, (disappointment, trauma, hurt, physical and mental pain, rejection, etc.)  I could go on but this is not a blog meant to bring up old wounds but to help us move past them so that we can have a better quality of life from here on.  My motto:  "I want to live a simple but extraordinary life."  It may sound like an oxymoron (something that is contradictory) but it's not.  Let me explain.  A simple life is peaceful, embraced and structured without added drama.  An extraordinary life is having purpose, choosing God and joy daily, finding what lights you up and doing that, constantly claiming your queendom everyday, (in spite of our ugly and downright tragic behavior, God still loves us), seeking positive outcomes for our life daily through believing God's truth and not the world's lies.  All this is possible through Christ our Lord.  The problem is, do you really believe it?

In case you're thinking I'm trying to proselytize you (make you a Christian), I am not.  I just like to get out of the way, what my values are.  If they don't resonate with you, then this blog is not for you.  No hate or disrespect intended, just making choices.

What do I know ? you ask, not much but I believe I can help us navigate this stage since I'm there too. First of all, let's get four things outta the way:

1.  It is not possible to be joyful 24 hours a day.  God never planned it that way.  He knew we would wrestle with our faith, self doubt, anger, bitterness, etc. so to be able to maintain that without God's spirit all day is probably not going to happen.  But what can happen is that you have more up days than down, more up moments than down and you allow the holy spirit to bring you back to the level that you were at through your thought process, your meditation on truths.  I like to call it, redirecting your energy, letting God's spirit have its' work in you.

2.  Your life will not magically become better and all your problems will not disappear but what will happen is that God's spirit will transform your mind and heart so that you worry less about the problems and He will give you or help you find a possible solution to your problems.  Yes, all of them....in his timing.

3.  God through Christ saves our souls but he gives us some choice over how we steward those souls through our decisions and actions.  We cannot "see" God the way we see others physically that's why he tells us to have faith.  To believe, even when we cannot see it.  "Faith without works is dead."  In Hebrews 11:1 faith is defined.  We cannot expect God to do a miracle when He's waiting on us to do our part.  We act, and we believe.  We should always do the part we can and the part we can't leave up to God.

4.  God doesn't seem to act in the way we want, when we want and how we want so thus we need to learn patience.  I can hear you now.  I was patient.  It was taking too long...I get it and I feel you.  However, to my understanding according to biblical understanding with a little wisdom thrown in, it is only those who don't give up, that get the prize.  We either wait, or make foolish decisions because we're not getting what we want, when we want it and how we want it.  The secret sauce, keep being persistent.  Christ used several points of reference for this:  In Luke 18:1-8 Christ talks about the persistent widow and how her prayers were answered.

Now that those three things are out of the way, we can talk.

Awww the Simple Life is:

PEACEFUL
Peace is not the absence of drama.  It is not cloistering yourself in your house and never dealing with others.  Peace is having drama around you but not letting the drama in you.  A better way to describe it...."Cool, calm and collected."  What I mean is that you don't let people, circumstances or problems dictate how you feel about life and or yourself.  It means setting boundaries to things that will try to take away your peace, and that includes people too.  If you don't achieve this, you will always be wondering why your life does not add up.  By giving our problems and issues to God, we survive and can be peaceful in an unpeaceful world.  He promises that He will gives us this peace in Philippians 4:6.

If you have created drama and loved drama all of your life, it will take some time and effort to pull away from this but God in his mercy NEVER fails.  If you are sincere, He will give you the strength to change what you can't change.

EMBRACED
Do you embrace your life's circumstances?  No, you don't have to like them, agree with them or the outcome or even resign to believing there is no hope.  But you do need to be realistic about the circumstances and trust God and His hope to help you accept, change or rise above them.  Embracing just implies being ok with your situation until God tells you something else or He does something else.  Be joyful in tribulation---why because we know that God WILL ALWAYS come through for those of us who seek His face. 

God rewards those seek Him! (Hebrews 11:6)
God never forsakes those who seek Him (Psalm 9:9)
God delivers those who seek Him from all fear! (Psalm 34:4)

STRUCTURED

A structured life means to have a routine and a purpose. When we retire, life can become bland without any structure to it. Once we stop the everyday cycle of working and it's time constraints, we are free to do what we want. The problem becomes, what to do with all that free time, structure it. That's right. Plan out your time so that you have a schedule daily even if that schedule says take a nap at a certain time. It's your time, your life. No one has to tell you what to do anymore. That's the beauty of it but also the danger. A life not lived becomes a depressing and unfruitful life. I don't believe God destined us to live that way. In all this structure we should focus on three main things. What is our purpose for the day, what pleasure we want that day, (within reason) and what will bring us peace. A structured life also sets boundaries that don't allow people pleasing. If you have a schedule stick to it unless it's an emergency. People usually find a way to get what they need without you. This is not a reason to be selfish and inconsiderate, just know when you are available to help and let it be known.

"Living a fabulous life through ordinary circumstances."

Midlife Boredom Busters Download

Self Care Ideas

101 Self-Care Activities: Self Care for Women and Men: Embracing Physical, Emotional, and Mental Health and Well-Being in Your Daily Routine (The 101 Series)

Looking Your Age?

 

I love when people think to themselves "I'm sixty and I look sixty." because truthfully most of us look our age.  If you don't look your age it's usually genetics, how you take care of yourself or a good old fashioned blessing from God.  However, I believe as we age we should want to look our best.  God forbid we try to claim being 20 years old again, really, you can't anyway or attempt to take yourself back to that moment, but you can look and feel your very best as you age and it doesn't hurt to use things like diet, exercise, skin and hair care, etc. to keep everything in tack.

Now, don't get me wrong.....I still believe that a woman or man's greatest beauty lies in their spirit.  In fact, I want to be beautiful inside and out and especially inside.  I'd like people to say, she has such a beautiful spirit.  Let my spirit show, let my life and actions speak louder than what society deems as physically beautiful.

Unfortunately, many will try to sour your spirit because a happy and joyful spirit seems too hard to acquire.  Comparison is the thief of joy.  I try not to compare.  I'm loving my life and moving forward.  Truthfully I have my moments and days but if I had to count them up......more joy than depression.  Both are necessary for this life, but only one can take the lead.  I choose joy!

Joy comes to us softly and is not loud.  There was a time when mine was loud because of the pressure I was going through but it has landed on me sweetly, softly and permanently.  All praises to an awesome God who has helped me, held me up and then transformed me into his beautiful princess.  That was his promise.  We come from royalty.  "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9

I don't claim this, God claimed it over me and I concur.  Knowing this, we have 

Midlifing be lifing: Learning and Growing through Reading, Discovering and The Fullness of Life

 I decided it would be good to share what I read and use to help me grow in this one big ole life.  I have listed below books, videos, etc. that promote the kind of growth we should be aspiring to as beautiful women of God.  And while you're at it check out my shop for sweatshirts, hoodies and t-shirts for the wiser, older and fun woman of God.  Be blessed and let the world know you are His.