Being a Seasoned African American Woman; Is there a difference?

The Soft Life: A Message for Seasoned African American Women

This may seem like a nonessential question—or even a divisive one—but hear me out.

I believe there is a difference. Not because one group is better or worse than another, nor because of physical, hormonal, or biological differences. Rather, the difference lies in environment, resources, opportunities, and the knowledge available to help us navigate life's transitions.

As African American women, we have lived in a world that has often defined us before we had the chance to define ourselves. Too often, we have been placed into categories that fail to recognize our full humanity. That reality needs to be corrected.

I am not speaking for every Black woman, nor am I promoting victimhood or a "poor me" mentality. We are strong, resilient, courageous, and resourceful. We have had to be.

But we desire softness, too.  

For many of us, life has not provided soft landings. Instead, it has offered harshness, struggle, and the expectation that we will carry burdens for everyone else. If we fit society's narrative at all, it is often as the workhorse—the helper, the fixer, the strong one holding everyone else up.

No, I am not advocating a takeover. I am advocating for something much simpler: Let us shine in our own way, with us leading the way.

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 No one knows our stories better than we do. No one knows what we have survived, overcome, sacrificed, or dreamed about in the quiet places of our hearts. Collectively, we are doing fine. Individually, many of us are tired. We are tired of being expected to carry every social problem, every family crisis, every community burden, and every emotional weight placed upon us. Society has dictated how we should behave. Sometimes the church has dictated how we should behave.

But God has not called us to live according to society's expectations.

Many of us have rarely seen ourselves portrayed as beautiful, adventurous, joyful, creative, or fully human. Instead, we have often been depicted as saviors, caretakers, and supporters of everyone else's dreams. Some of us have never dared to dream at all. Life has beaten us down so often that we have begun to question whether a better life is even possible.

I am not saying life should be easy. I am saying that we deserve spaces where we are treated as God's creation—not as humanity's fixer-upper project. This is not to suggest that other groups of women have easy lives. Women everywhere have faced hardships and challenges. However, perception matters.

The way society perceives people influences how they are treated. It also influences how they see themselves. Some groups have been granted perceptions that encourage confidence and possibility. Others have been burdened with perceptions that limit opportunity and expectation.

Perception can be a blessing or a curse. Some use favorable perceptions to believe they are better than others. Yet Scripture reminds us that we are all God's children. None of us is greater than another.

Still, we know that in everyday life, perception often functions as a badge of honor that excludes, diminishes, and devalues others. I am not calling for sentimental "Kumbaya" love. I am calling for respect. For kindness. For decency. For treating others with dignity, whether they become our best friends or not.

As Black women age, another challenge emerges. Many struggle to see themselves as productive, valuable, and necessary beyond the role of "Big Momma." There are very few programs, resources, or communities dedicated to helping seasoned African American women envision the next chapter of their lives. Too often, our communities are filled with survivors rather than dreamers. We encounter hopelessness, jealousy, exhaustion, and the belief that no one should move forward unless everyone moves forward first. Many of us are tired of holding up the pillars while no one helps support them.

Yet I believe God is calling us to something greater. 

Not greater in status, but greater in purpose. We should not spend our lives hidden in the shadows. We should explore the gifts God has given us and use them beautifully. This is what I call the "soft life." And it is probably not what most people think. The soft life is not primarily about spa treatments, vacations, luxury handbags, or financial wealth. There is nothing wrong with those things. But true softness comes from resting in God. It comes from becoming who He created us to be. It comes from helping others see His beauty, glory, creativity, and goodness.  Check out my Pinterest account for more goodies for you.

We are called to help build dreams and dream—not merely become tools for someone else's dream. We are called to have significance, not to chase significance. We are called to show women and children that growing older is not the end of the story. It is the beginning of a new chapter. We should not place a period where God has placed a comma. The story continues. Our soft life is living for God without apology. It is becoming better versions of ourselves. It is using our gifts collectively without excluding others because they do not look like us, think like us, or come from where we come from.

Life is difficult. But women have often been builders. Builders of homes. Builders of communities. Builders of culture. Builders of hope. Yet we are not called to neglect ourselves in the process. We are not called to burn out and disappear. We need refreshment. We need encouragement. We need the kind of love described in Scripture—a love that is patient, kind, humble, pure, and genuine.

I am single. I am not waiting for someone to rescue me. Scripture teaches that men and women are meant to help one another. If it is God's will, there may someday be someone who believes I am worth the effort—and I him. But I am not lonely. I am simply alone. I value my independence while I have it. I intend to live my life fully. Yet I also recognize that life is better when shared. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. No person is an island. No one is meant to do life entirely alone. Whatever dreams God has placed in your heart, use them to help others. Do not quit because life becomes difficult. Continue. Even if you help only one person, you have still changed a life.

Now for the good part. Allowing society—or your own fears, guilt, shame, and insecurities—to define you will never help you win this battle. We were created for more than survival. My motto is simple: We do more than survive. We thrive.

Thriving means becoming emotionally healthy and spiritually grounded people who can navigate life's difficult waters with dignity, hope, and grace. Not perfectly. But peacefully. The soft life is not about getting everything we want. It is about making the life we have beautiful. The God who created us deserves glory, and our lives should reflect His beauty, creativity, and goodness.

Many people view God as harsh, demanding, and impossible to please. But the God I serve is expansive. Creative. Generous. Beautiful. He fills creation with wonder and constantly invites us into deeper discovery.

Yes, God has standards. But His standards are not designed to destroy us. They are designed to reveal our need for Him. Through Christ, we are invited into a life that is fuller, freer, and more beautiful than we could create on our own.

Life is hard. Sometimes very hard. But hard does not mean impossible. It simply means we need God—and each other. That is why community matters. That is why encouragement matters.

That is why Scripture tells us: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together... but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV) For African Americans, and particularly African American women, that encouragement is essential.

Our history contains pain, but it also contains God's faithfulness. We must remember His hand in our story. We must remind future generations of His goodness. We will not throw pity parties. We will throw parties of purpose. Parties of creativity. Parties of beauty. Parties that celebrate God's goodness and the gifts He has placed within us. Rest when you need to. Pray when you must. But then get back up. Put on your spiritual armor. Continue the work.

Our children still need us—though perhaps not in the same ways they once did. Create. Build. Teach. Encourage. Paint. Write. Mentor. Love. If one child is helped, one life is changed. And that matters.  Below I've listed practical ideas and creative pursuits that can help us become greater Seasoned women in this time and in this season.  This is living the soft life, giving with intention, giving with your joy and gifts in mind.  Not someone else's definition of who you are and what you're supposed to do.

Practical Solutions to help you navigate this new transition:

What if we hosted faith-filled creative gatherings?

What if we organized Biblical celebration parties for children that showcased God's beauty, creativity, and glory?

What if we offered painting, drawing, sewing, writing, gardening, or crafting parties for youth and older adults?

What if we created spaces where people could discover both their creativity and their Creator?

What if the soft life was not about escaping life—but about living it well?

The soft life begins with God.

Everything else flows from there.

Beauty is healing.

Many women have lived so long in survival mode that they forget beauty is a gift from God.

Ideas:

· Start a flower garden or container garden.

· Learn floral arranging.

· Create beautiful tables capes for family gatherings.

· Decorate your home with artwork that reflects your culture and faith.

· Paint old furniture and make it beautiful again.

· Create a prayer corner filled with books, candles, scriptures, and journals.

· Host seasonal decorating gatherings with friends.

God filled the Temple with artistry, gold, embroidery, color, and craftsmanship. Beauty matters. See Exodus 35 and Exodus 36.

2. Become a Keeper of Stories

Many African American family stories disappear when elders pass away.

Ideas:

· Record family histories.

· Interview grandparents and older relatives.

· Create family memory books.

· Write children's books based on family stories.

· Create heritage journals.

· Start a family recipe collection.

Your family's story is part of God's story.

3. Start a Creative Circle

Many women need community more than they need another program.

Create gatherings around:

· Watercolor painting

· Journaling

· Sewing

· Crochet

· Quilting

· Poetry

· Photography

· Bible art journaling

· Mixed media art

The goal is not perfection. The goal is connection.

4. Become a Community Auntie

Not everyone is called to be a grandmother.

But many are called to mentor.

Ideas:

· Teach young girls basic life skills.

· Teach sewing and mending.

· Teach budgeting.

· Teach etiquette and kindness.

· Teach cooking.

· Teach gardening.

· Teach art.

Many children need wisdom more than entertainment.

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5. Explore the World God Made

Many women postpone adventure until "someday." Someday often never arrives.

Ideas:

· Visit museums.

· Take day trips.

· Explore historical sites.

· Visit botanical gardens.

· Attend concerts.

· Take train trips.

· Explore local neighborhoods.

· Attend cultural festivals.

Adventure does not have to be expensive. Curiosity keeps the spirit young.

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6. Create Instead of Consume

Many people spend hours consuming content. Few spend time creating.

Instead of scrolling:

· Paint.

· Write.

· Photograph.

· Design.

· Sing.

· Garden.

· Bake.

· Teach.

· Build.

God is a Creator. We reflect Him when we create and create balance in our lives.

7. Develop a "Second Bloom"

Many women assume their most important years are behind them. What if they are ahead?

Ask:

· What have I always wanted to learn?

· What dream did I put on hold?

· What talent have I neglected?

· What ministry have I avoided?

· What business idea keeps returning?

Your second bloom may be:

· Writing a book

· Teaching art

· Starting a blog

· Creating a podcast

· Opening a small business

· Becoming a mentor

· Traveling

· Learning a language

God often does some of His greatest work in the later chapters.

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8. Create Spaces of Rest

Rest is not laziness. Rest is preparation.

Ideas:

· Weekly tea time with God.

· Sabbath afternoons.

· Quiet walks.

· Nature journaling.

· Prayer retreats.

· Reading afternoons.

· Worship playlists.

A soft life requires rhythms of rest. Even Jesus withdrew to rest and pray.

9. Build Intergenerational Friendships

Many women only interact with people their own age.

The church and community need multiple generations learning from one another.

Create gatherings where:

· Children learn from elders.

· Elders learn technology from youth.

· Women share wisdom.

· Young adults share fresh ideas.

Everyone has something to give. Everyone has something to learn.

10. Leave a Legacy of Beauty

A beautiful life asks:

"What will remain after I am gone?"

Perhaps it is:

· A book.

· A garden.

· A scholarship.

· A ministry.

· A quilt.

· A collection of family stories.

· A curriculum.

· A business.

· A generation of children who know they are loved.

Legacy is not about fame. Legacy is about faithfulness.

In summation, The Soft Life for Seasoned African American Women is not....

A luxury lifestyle. 

It is not waiting for someone to rescue you.

It is not pretending life is easy.

The soft life is choosing beauty over bitterness, purpose over resignation, creation over consumption, faith over fear, and hope over despair.

It is recognizing that growing older is not God's signal to disappear.

It is His invitation to bloom again.

As long as God gives us breath, there is still something beautiful left to build. And perhaps the most beautiful thing we build is not a business, a ministry, or even a legacy. Perhaps it is a life that reflects His goodness so clearly that others see Him through us.

Got any suggestions, please feel free to email me or write comments on the blog.  Would love to have your thoughts.